1. |
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You never liked my tattoos or the way that I cut my hair
You say that you love me you just hate everything I am
Pick apart all the pieces you like
All the images you want to see
It's alright throw away all the rest
It's just all of me
And I've spent the last decade or so trying to unlearn
How you taught me to hate myself
All my pages are burned
You don't know who I am
You simply know all you wish to see
You love everything that I never was
You hate everything that's real inside of me
I studied until I knew nothing at all
All I learned turned into hollow beliefs
Learning to apologize for everything that's not my fault
Now I fight to live unapologetically
And I've spent the last decade or so trying to unlearn
How you taught me to hate myself
All my pages are burned
You don't know who I am
You simply know all you wish to see
You love everything that I never was
You hate everything that's real inside of me
Maybe this time around
I will learn to love myself
Maybe this time around
I will learn to love myself
Maybe this time around
I will learn somehow to love myself
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2. |
version of a vice
02:49
|
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Swap out the cigarettes and whiskey
Paint this new one in gold
Disguise the hunger
Pretend this one is more controlled
Maybe we spend our lives
Trading one bad habit for another vice
Dress it up change its name
With a whole new look as if it's not the same
We swear we'll never be
Controlled by anything
Yet we sell ourselves for a price
Swap out the cigarettes and whiskey
Paint this new one in gold
Disguise the hunger
Pretend this one is more controlled
Swear we won't
We won't sell
Everyone has a price and only time will tell
How do we define wealth?
In pursuit of happiness we sacrifice ourselves
We swear we'll never be
Controlled by anything
Yet we sell ourselves for a price
Swap out the cigarettes and whiskey
Paint this new one in gold
Disguise the hunger
Pretend this one is more controlled
Swap out the cigarettes and whiskey
Paint this new one in gold
Disguise the hunger
Pretend this one is more controlled
Swap out the cigarettes and whiskey
Paint this new one in gold
Disguise the hunger
Pretend this one is more controlled
We all have our own version of a vice
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3. |
unpacking these boxes
02:39
|
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You don't even have to see me
I simply wish to exist
I can't keep playing a part
Reading lines from someone else's script
I've spent my whole life living out of boxes
So I won't be put back into one
Keep all your labels, don't need a descriptor
To tell me who I will become
I've spent far too long unpacking these boxes
To let you put me into one
Some people wish for the world
Others wish to be a part of it
Don't need your permission to breathe
Stop trying to write my own narrative
I've spent my whole life living out of boxes
So I won't be put back into one
Keep all your labels, don't need a descriptor
To tell me who I will become
I've spent far too long unpacking these boxes
To let you put me into one
Breaking out
I'm breaking out
Breaking out
I'm breaking out
Enough of these boxes
I won't be put back into one
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4. |
closer to closure
03:26
|
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You were impulsive, I was compulsive
I guess we both have our own weakness
I... I've been holding on so tight
To something that was never mine
Sometimes I have a bad tendency to love ideas in my mind
I keep searching for answers I know don't exist
I know I won't be satisfied with any answer you have to give
No amount of closure will bring me any closer to getting over this
Because closure is never enough until we decide it is
Too much too fast
I pushed, you pulled back
You tried to tell me, but I wasn't listening
I... I'm not usually like this I swear
You brought this out of me
Sometimes you get caught up in yourself
You didn't know how you hurt me
I keep searching for answers I know don't exist
I know I won't be satisfied with any answer you have to give
No amount of closure will bring me any closer to getting over this
Because closure is never enough
Until we decide it is
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5. |
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Everyone is dealt a hand
Some of us keep our cards close to our chest
Waiting on some promised land
Rather than attempting to play our best
Everyone has their own version of the second coming of christ
But I guarantee that the moment it happens
They'd still have him crucified all over again
So we keep on waiting
For the next new savior
Instead of creating
We yearn for something better
Moments gone to waste
Yet still we wait
Eyes gazing into the sun
Looking for something to fall from the sky
There must be something or someone
Able to answer all our questions why
Everyone has their own version of the second coming of christ
But I guarantee that the moment it happens
They'd still have him crucified all over again
So we keep on waiting
For the next new savior
Instead of creating
We yearn for something better
Moments gone to waste
Yet still we wait
Yet still we wait
Yet still we...
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6. |
resilience
03:07
|
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Take a glance through the glass
Reminisce through your past
From hospital beds
To losing count of your meds
Doctors fail to flip the script
One more pill to try and fix
Problems caused by other pills
Though the next one swears they will
After all you've been through to do no harm
Just as it is written in the scars upon your arm
Fortified in crimson and ink
You don't care what others think
You've been remade through resiliency
Pulling smiles through all the pain
Despite how nights haunt you still
Words slipping from pages
Through veins trauma rages
No one knows
You'll never tell
Forged by fire from hell
You dust yourself off
As if you never fell
After all you've been through to do no harm
Just as it is written in the scars upon your arm
Fortified in crimson and ink
You don't care what others think
You've been remade through resiliency
You don't care what others think
You've been remade through resiliency
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7. |
exist with you
04:01
|
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Both of our paths intertwined
At the most unexpected of times
You had already given your hand to a man
As another woman held onto mine
Both our intentions were pure
We never could have planned for this
I couldn't help that I fell for your soul
I wished that we weren't just a wish
We don't have to do anything
You don't have to take off your wedding ring
I don't know what to do, and that's okay
All I know is I want to exist with you
Nobody cheated or lied
No one did anything wrong
There's no one to blame, which sometimes makes
It that much harder to move on
I know they'll both be okay
We all deserve the chance to find
Someone who looks at them the way you look at me
I can't believe you're mine
We don't have to do anything
You don't have to take off your wedding ring
I don't know what to do, and that's okay
All I know is I want to exist with you
I hope one day I'll give you a wedding ring
That you won't take off and I will sing my vows to you
We don't know what we're doing, and that's okay
All I know is can't exist without you
I can't exist without you
I want to exist with you
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8. |
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Always said I would be
Lost if you ever left me
I know it hasn't been long
But I hope you've moved on
Believe me, I feel badly
And sometimes it still hurts
But mostly, I feel guilty
About it not feeling worse
Feeling worse
Feeling worse
I know we, we both said
A life time together we would spend
We meant it and though we tried
Our version of forever ran its time
Believe me, I feel badly
And sometimes it still hurts
But mostly, I feel guilty
About it not feeling worse
Feeling worse
Feeling worse
Believe me, I feel badly
And sometimes it still hurts
But mostly, I feel guilty
About it not feeling worse
Feeling worse
Feeling worse
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